Idiots in Love
by tokaji
Summary: Sequel to Compromising Position. Summary inside.


Ranma 1/2 belongs to Rumiko Takahashi, not to me. If it belonged to me, every story arc would begin with gratuitous scenes of Akane sucking Ranma off.

Summary: Ranma and Akane continue to explore their relationship. And by "explore their relationship," I mean "screw like sex-starved rabbits hopped up on a triple dose of Passion Spice." Oh, and some other stuff happens too, I guess.

Chapter 1: Life is Good

"OH YES, RANMA!" Akane screamed. "HARDER, YOU WELL-HUNG JERK!"

Ranma obliged his tomboy fiancée, slamming his hips down into her, making the bed shake all the harder. Akane continued to scream her head off, which would have strained her throat if it weren't for the fact that she had gotten plenty of practice screaming practically every night for the past two months. A lot had changed since that fateful night when they had (loudly) consummated their relationship. For one thing, they had moved into the master bedroom, since it was larger and already sound-proofed (Akane had inherited being a screamer from her mother, not that she knew, or wanted to know, that). They had also gotten a new bed, which was larger than Akane's old one (since she wasn't the only one sleeping in it anymore) and sturdier (they had broken the old bed). The major thing that had changed was, obviously, the fact that Akane and Ranma had been having extremely rough (and loud) sex just about all night, every night. One would think that the lack of sleep would slow them down, but they actually seemed to be energized by the near-constant screwing; a quick nap after coitus was all that they usually needed. They pretended to argue like they usually did to keep up appearances for everyone that didn't live in the Tendo household; they also told everybody that Akane was undergoing a strict new training regimen to explain why she was walking bowl-legged so often.

Finally, Ranma reached orgasm and blasted inside Akane, who screamed even louder. Then he collapsed on top of her, and they laid there for a few seconds before Ranma rolled over on his side and they snuggled in each other's arms before falling asleep.

Within a few hours, Ranma woke up to a very pleasant sensation down south. He looked down and saw a head of blue-black hair bobbing up and down on his lap. Ranma laid his head back down and enjoyed the blowjob. _Life is good,_ he thought.

After a quick bath and some light petting they headed downstairs, while Nodoka was just finishing breakfast. She had taken over the household duties after Kasumi had left for her honeymoon. (It had not taken Tofu long at all to propose to Kasumi, and they had gotten married soon afterwards.) As they sat down for breakfast, the middle Tendo sister staggered in, looking half-dead as she usually did in the morning.

"Braaaains," Ranma said.

"Very funny, Saotome," Nabiki growled. Nodoka handed her a mug of coffee, which she gratefully swallowed with one gulp. She almost instantly perked up after her morning dose of caffeine.

"By the way," Akane spoke up, "we're going to be needing a new bed soon. I think our current one is close to breaking."

"Wonderful," Nabiki said, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, the floor is getting pretty messed up, too," Ranma said.

"And the walls," said Akane.

"And the ceiling."

"THE CEILLING? HOW THE HELL- never mind, I don't want to know."

"Everyone, I have an announcement to make," Nodoka interrupted as she brought in breakfast. "I'm pregnant!"

"That's great, Mom!" Ranma said, beaming. "I'm gonna be a brother!"

After breakfast, the three teens left for school while Nodoka picked up. Her son was being manly with his fiancée on a near-constant basis and she was going to have another baby. Although she wished her husband was here to share the good news with, all in all, Nodoka was happier than she had ever been since Ranma was born. _Life is good,_ she thought.

For Ranma and Akane, the first part of the school day was relatively uneventful. Kuno challenged Ranma and was pounded for his trouble, as usual. After the deluded kendoist had regained consciousness, Kodachi came out of nowhere and swiped his wig off of his head. When the Principal had shaved him and Mousse bald, he had also rubbed into their scalps a special chemical that prevented their hair from ever growing back, which most of the student body found hilarious. Mousse had taken to wearing a hat at all times, while Kuno had taken to wearing increasingly ridiculous wigs, which his sister had begun to take great delight in snatching off his head at every given opportunity. She had even transferred to Furinkan to do this more often (as well as being close to her "Ranma-sama," which Ranma, understandably, was not happy about). Kodachi had also begun paying Nabiki enormous sums of money for pictures of her brother's expression after she snatched off his wig. Just that day, the "Black Rose" handed Nabiki one of the biggest wads of cash she had ever seen. The Ice Queen almost had an orgasm right there. _Life is good,_ she thought.

At lunch however...

The "incident," as it came to be known, started rather innocently. Akane was joining her friends for lunch when she heard a "Bwee.." coming from behind her. Akane turned around and looked down, and, sure enough, there was her pet pig, P-chan.

"P-chan!" she exclaimed, scooping him up. "Where have you been, baby?"

Just then, Ranma came up in his female form. "What's pig-boy doing here?" she grumbled.

"Ranma, be nice!" Akane snapped. "By the way, why are you in your girl body?"

"Some idiots were emptying water out of a window. I'll give you three guesses who was under it at the time. And the first two don't count."

"Only you, Ranma."

"Yep, only me," Ranma replied as she pulled a kettle out of nowhere and poured the hot water on herself, turning her back into a man.

Suddenly, with a "Nihao, Airen!" a certain Amazon landed her bike right on Ranma's head, causing him to lose his grip on the kettle, which sailed through the air, splashing its hot water all over Akane... and P-chan.

All went quiet as Akane stared at the very naked Ryoga that was now in her arms.

"You're P-chan, Ryoga?" she said in a very small voice.

"Uh... well," Ryoga stammered, his life flashing before his eyes.

"You're P-chan, Ryoga?" Akane said in a much louder voice.

"W-wait a minute, Akane, let me explain!" the Lost Boy said desperately.

"_**YOU'RE P-CHAN, RYOGA?**_" Akane was screaming now, and her grip tightened around Ryoga until he felt like he was in the grasp of a python.

"Wait a second!" Ranma interrupted as he pushed Shampoo off of him.

"What?" Akane snarled.

"Just wait," Ranma replied, and ran off. He came back after a few seconds, carrying a folding chair, which he put down in front of his fiancée and the part-time pig. He then ran off again.

_Where'd he get the folding chair?_ several students wondered.

Ranma came back, this time carrying a bag of popcorn.

_Where'd he get the popcorn?_ several students wondered.

Ranma sat down on the chair and scooped up a few kernels of popcorn. "Continue," he said cheerfully, and popped the popcorn into his mouth.

And continue Akane did. What followed was perhaps one of the most brutal beatings in Nerima's history (which was saying something). All through it, Ranma happily watched, eating his popcorn as if he were at the movies. He would occasionally give Akane tips on just where, and how, to hit Ryoga to cause maximum damage. Finally, Akane was through, and she punted the Lost Boy over the horizon.

"It's all Ranma's faaaauuuullllt..." Ryoga said as he sailed off.

Everybody walked on eggshells around Akane for the rest of the day. Surprisingly all Ranma had gotten from Akane was a slap on the face. The glare he received from Nabiki was much scarier.

As they headed home after the school day ended, Ranma turned to Akane and said, "Sorry again about not telling you about Ryoga, Akane."

"I know, I know," Akane replied. "I've already forgiven you, baka." She wished Kasumi was there to talk to.

Meanwhile, in a hotel room in Hawaii...

"What is it, Kasumi?" Tofu asked.

"I have the strangest feeling that one of my sisters needs me," Kasumi replied, a worried expression on her face.

"Don't worry about it," Tofu said soothingly as he began to caress his wife's shoulders. "I'm sure whatever it is, they can handle it."

"You're probably right," the eldest Tendo sister said. "Mmmm, that feels nice," she purred as she began to respond to her husband's touch.

They then headed over to their bed. On their wedding night, Kasumi had discovered that Tofu's knowledge of shiatsu points extended beyond the medical and into the extremely pleasurable, and Tofu had discovered that Kasumi had studied the "How to Please Your Man," section of her "Perfect Housewife" handbook quite thoroughly. After this latest bout of rather spectacular lovemaking ended, Kasumi laid there in her husband's arms, her worries forgotten. _Life is good,_ she thought.

Back in Nerima...

After they got home, Ranma headed straight for the roof so he could work on his newest technique. (And to get away from Nabiki's glare.) He had figured out how to use his ki to slow his descent when in the air and change the direction of his fall, but he had yet to figure out how to fly. He practiced for a while, managing to hover for a little bit, but he still couldn't fly. _I'll figure it out soon enough, _Ranma thought, _and when I do, I'll celebrate by taking Akane high up and fucking her brains out in mid-air!_

He was interrupted from his fantasies by a funny smell and strange, multicolored smoke coming from the house. "What the hell..." he muttered, jumping down.

As he entered the household, he was greeted by the sight of Nabiki and Nodoka. The former was still glaring at him, making it clear she was still pissed at him for keeping Ryoga's curse a secret from her little sister. The latter didn't look all that pleased with Ranma, either.

"Hello, son," Nodoka said icily, "Nabiki told me about how you were letting the Hibiki boy take advantage of Akane's trust. We'll talk about that later, but right now your fiancée is showing you there's no hard feelings by making you dinner. Isn't that nice?" Her tone made it clear that Ranma had better eat it if he knew what was good for him.

Before Ranma could say anything, Akane's voice called out from the kitchen. "Don't worry, I made enough for everybody," she said cheerfully. All of a sudden, there were two dust clouds where Nabiki and Nodoka had been. "Where'd they go?" Akane asked as she came out. She was carrying a big plate of... something.

Ranma stared at it in morbid fascination.

If horror were a physical being, the thing on the plate would be what its vomit would look like.

It resembled something out of C'thulhu's darkest nightmares.

It was hideous, is what I'm saying.

"Oh well," Akane said as she set the plate of indescribable horror on the table, "more meatloaf for us, then."

_That's meatloaf? _Ranma wondered as he sat down at the table. He could swear Akane's unholy creation _flinched_ as she began to cut off a piece of it. She lifted a forkful of "meatloaf" to her fiancé's face.

"Doesn't that look good?"

_Are you crazy? _Ranma thought. Still he said nothing; he just closed his eyes, opened his mouth, and allowed Akane to feed him her monstrosity.

Akane held her breath as her fiancé took a bite and began chewing. She didn't know what to think of the bewildered look on Ranma's face as he chewed, but at least he wasn't spitting it out and gagging. After what seemed like an eternity (in reality, it was only a few seconds), Ranma swallowed.

"How do you like it?" she asked, mentally crossing her fingers.

"It... it tastes..." Ranma said.

"Yes?"

"...like.."

"Yes?"

"...chocolate."

"WHAT?" Akane said, flabbergasted.

"It tastes like chocolate," Ranma repeated.

Akane quickly cut off a piece of "meatloaf" and shoved it in her mouth. Her eyes widened. "It does taste like chocolate!"

"I know!" Ranma said.

"Why does it taste like chocolate?" Akane said.

"I don't know, you made it!" Ranma snapped.

"But, I..." Akane didn't say anything after that, because all of a sudden, their lips were mashed together and they were tearing off each other's clothes. Frenzied, mindless sex followed.

Afterward, the two teens were laying in each other's arms. "Well," Akane said, "My meatloaf tastes like chocolate, and apparently acts like a very powerful aphrodisiac."

"And looks like an abomination against nature," Ranma muttered.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

Akane didn't say anything else; she simply snuggled up closer to Ranma, any anger she still felt about Ryoga forgotten. She had finally made something that tasted good! (Even though it didn't taste anything like it was supposed to.) _Life is good, _she thought.

To be continued...

I know, I know. The whole "Akane finds out about Ryoga's curse and pounds him into pork paste" shtick has become a bit of a cliché at this point, but there's a reason for that: If Akane had found out that Ryoga and P-chan were one and the same in the actual series, beating the ever-loving crap out of him is exactly what she would have done. (This is Akane Tendo we're talking about here, after all.) Don't worry, he'll get a chance to redeem himself.


End file.
